the sad part is...

...all I can worry about is what other people will think about it.
or how it will look from the outside looking in.

yes, it has dawned on me how it affects me etc.
but my main concern is how it makes me look.
and i cannot figure out WHY i care so much?!
why should it matter?!

is the real issue not whether or not this is good for me.
whether or not this will make me happy.
whether or not this will have bad consequences.
whether or not i'll end up getting myself hurt.

[from the inside looking out, i think it's okay.
i think i can handle it. i don't think i'll get hurt.
and i don't see it as a bad situation...
but!...i could be very very wrong in my thoughts].

i need advice.
but there is no one i feel comfortable enough to tlk to about this.
because if this is the WRONG situation...i don't want anyone looking at me the wrong way/judging me because of it.
i guess it's on me to figure it out.
well actually...i'm already in process.
we will see what time holds for me. for this.

<3.