Never in my life...

...have I EVER hurt this bad.
I'm at work just randomly busting in to tears. wtf?

The very thing I feared the most has happened.
I screwed up the BEST thing that has EVER happened to me.
& my newest fear is slowly approaching.
I don't know if I can fix this. I don't know if it's even fixable.
I want it to be...so so so badly.

I deserve this. I do.
But damn it. I don't know if I can handle it.

:(.