I confess

1. I think at times I don't perform to my full potential because it's easier to avoid failure by being mediocre than it is reaching for the stars. 

2. I made a twitter, and I HATE that i like it. Ha. @trini_baby.

3. At times I don't say what is on my mind or what is bothering me [to you] because I don't wanna be the nagging or jealous girlfriend. I don't wanna lose you, but holding it inside does nothing but intensify my insecurities which I think is what pushes you away. It's a lose lose situation. 

4. I require A LOT of attention to be satisfied. I NEED to constantly feel loved, reassured, needed, and wanted by those around me. 

5. Recently, for the first time, i've began to think about this logically and realistically. I'm more afraid than I was before of this not working. I'm afraid that I won't ever get what I want, what we want. But that may also be because I want it to work so much more than before. [SN: screw it not working. I'm DETERMINED]. 

6. I'm CONSTANTLY dreaming. But my dreams are always followed by a fear them not coming true.

7. I want to be a Forensic Psychologist. But the farther I get into college the more I rethink that decision, the more I fear that decision. Part of me does not know what the heck I wanna do at all, and the other part is 100% sure. I guess different wants that have been arising make me rethink what I want my career to be. 

8. I could go into farther details about every single last one of these confessions, but even on the internet I can't fully let go of my inhibitions and say what I think & feel. Mostly because it's hard to put it into words as well as an underlying fear [of what, i don't know?]. 

9. I'm really afraid that i'm going to screw up the one thing that means the most to me.

10. Fear rules most of my life. That's a problem.

11. There are a lot of things that need to change in my life, and I know I can change them. But I want to WANT to change them more than I actually want the change. 

12. My mood can change in a split second for NO reason at all. However, i'm a QUEEN at hiding it. 

13. The little things mean the MOST to me. 

14. I get jealous REALLY easily because I feel like i could very easily be replaced.

Okay, thats all for now. I'm sure i'll do more later. I'm in a venting mood. :)