You have been going up and down and around in circles lately for a reason you are still unsure of. There is a constant battle between you and your heart. Confusion consumes you about 90% of the time. But no one can be blamed, but you. Your faith in God is not where it needs to be. But you are taking baby steps to strengthen it and I am so so so proud of you. Trust in him to take care of EVERYTHING and you will be okay. A smart lady once told you, "you can't go to God with a problem and then give him options on how you want him to fix it. hand God your problem alone and He will ensure that it will be fixed. maybe not the way you want to or on your time, but it will be fixed." Trust baby. It's okay to trust. God loves you, and just in that you can take comfort.
Also, love yourself. Love yourself whole heartedly. You walk around like the girl who has got everything together and ALLL the confidence in the world. You never show people your weaknesses. You never show emotion. As autumn would say you like to think you are a human computer with a movie in your head of how life should go. She's right. But what you refuse to accept is that you are NOT a human computer. You have emotions [no matter how far into you they are locked, they're there]. And whether you want to accept it or not other people can see that too. Love yourself like God loves you. Love yourself like your family loves you. Love yourself like your friends love you. Love yourself because you are amazing inside and out. You are beautiful. You have a huge heart. You live to help others. You are genuine. You are smart. The list goes on. Love yourself, or no one will be able to love you.
You have a lot to learn baby. You have come a long way, but you have a long way to go. Always remember, you canNOT make everyone happy. No matter how hard you try someone will not be satisfied with what you are doing. However, the only person that matters is God. If he is satisfied with your lifestyle then all is right in the world. Also remember that your self-worth and beauty lies in YOUR hands. No one else's. You are beautiful. Stop searching for ways for OTHER people to assure you of that. You're self-confidence will radiate, when you find it.
Lastly, relationships. You have great friendships in your life. Ones you know will be around for a lifetime! However, you are lacking in the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship aspect of life. There is someone right now who is willing to do anything to make you happy and wants to be with you. You don't have to be "that girl." Don't push him away in fear. Fear is only created by the Devil. Learn to trust; let him help you. And if worst comes to worst and it turns out not to be what you wanted, trust that God will see you through.
You only have one life to live babygirl. Don't waste it away being afraid of everything.
Live.Laugh.Love <3.>
Love,
your reflection who is learning to love you
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