i'm fighting....myself.

i'm so confused.
why is it that once you get so used to something
[no matter how terrible that something is]
being without it is hard?
why is change so hard to handle??

while i was in it...
i wanted so bad a way to get out of it.
and i had those ways.
but i stayed because i was used to it.
now, i've gotten out of it
and pieces of me wants it back.

i have something BEAUTIFUL.
i'm SO GRATEFUL i have this in my life.
but their are still pieces of me that want that terrible thing back.

ugh.
God, help me because i can't say no to this desire on my own.