rambling...

this blog is going to be completely random...
i'm just let my thoughts flow freely.

1. God works in the most mysterious ways, EVER. i have grown up in the church my whole life. Christianity is all i've ever known, which is great but can be dangerous. I got to a point where I was going through the motions of Christianity because that is what I assumed I was supposed to do and that was what was expected of me. It was not until college came that I realized how far gone from my relationship with Christ I had gone. My first year in college consisted on me being hung over almost every sunday. I stopped going to church because it was no longer expected of me. I stopped praying because it was no longer expected. This summer has opened my eyes SO MUCH. I started going back to church, and this time it was not because I was supposed to or even for the social aspect but because I WANTED to go to church. God has placed people in my life throughout this summer that have brought me closer to Him. They have opened my eyes to see things about myself, life, christianity, God, and life in general. Some of these people were in my life for a matter of hours and others are still in my life as I type this. Either way those people mean the world to me. I have recently made the decision to re-build the relationship with God that I lost. I'm ready to take steps toward letting Him control every aspect of my life. It's not going to be an easy process, but I know it can be done and I know I have people supporting me and willing to help me through this. I'm excited to see what He is going to do for me :)!!

2. Relationships. If you know me...you know relationships have never been my thing. I was [and still am] the girl that was anti-relationships, love, emotions, and all that other gay stuff. However, I am now in a relationship. A relationship I think will last. I personally think God put him in my life at this point in time for a reason. I'm unaware of what that reason may be, but regardless I believe there is a reason. He is unaware of it, but in the short time he has been in my life he has helped me and taught me sooo many things! He is my friend AND my boyfriend. Regardless of whatever happens between us my hope is that we will ALWAYS be friends [although I prefer boyfriend ;)].

3. Maturity. I've been told on numerous occasions this entire summer [and prior actually] that I am mature beyond my years. I honestly don't see it. I feel like my maturity level is normal for that of a 18 going on 19 year old. But the more that I pay attention to those around me I realize that is very much so incorrect. I did the whole college life, party girl thing first semester and a little second semester. Granted, it was fun. But it got old VERY FAST. I'm so sick of it now. I don't like clubs. I don't like drinking. I don't like smoking. Well, wait, I like the feeling those things give me [drinking and smoking], but I don't like the aftermath. Honestly, if you think about it logically...doing either of those things makes NO SENSE. But I guess that is where you would say it's more of an emotional thing which cannot be understood logically.

WARNING: I am not at all knocking drinking, smoking, clubbing, or those who do any of those things. I can't knock it. I did it too. Nor am I saying that I will NEVER do any of these things ever again. However, I am saying that FOR ME these things are no longer appealing.

It was fun while it lasted, but now I feel like I should be doing more productive things. I'll surely take sips here and there, but getting drunk is no longer on my agenda. Clubs are definitely only on my agenda for VERY SPECIAL occasions. And smoking is not on my agenda at all.

4. Friends. This summer has truly shown me who I hold close to my heart and who was in my life just to be there. I have been working ALL summer. Only about 10% of my summer was left for me to do as I pleased. I have always been the girl that was at every social event held around me, but this summer I had people calling and texting me trying to figure out if I was alive because I was not out. I honestly kinda liked it that way. It was hard getting used to at first because as the summer went on I lost contact with a lot of people therefore finding something to do was hard. But I learned to use those times to relax and be by myself, which before is something that NEVER happened. I have a very close small circle of friends now whom I adore. I of course still speak to everyone when I do go out and have lots of acquaintances, but I have definitely lessened my "friend" circle. It keeps things a lot less drama-filled. I just hope the drama stays to a minimum once I head back to school.

5. SCHOOL. UGHHHHHHHHHHH!! I so do NOT want to go back. I guess this is another one of those maturity level things. I swear I have an old spirit. I have gotten so used to waking up, coming to work, working out, going home eating and sleeping. I like this life. I like having this job. I LOVE the paycheck lol. But mostly I've just gotten used to and enjoy this lifestyle. To be thrown back into classes and track practice is going to SUCK. I don't want to have to deal with people at school. I don't want to have to go to class. Actually, the academic part does not bother me. It's just the social aspect. Maybe it's just AP, but I cannot stand it. No matter what you do someone ALWAYS has something to say about it. I guess I have to learn to let people say what they please and just live MY life. It's just frustrating having to hear "I heard you ......[fill in the blank]" every other day. Oh well. I'll get over it! :).

I could keep going, but this would get out of hand. I'm done for now.
That was fun. I may do that more often.

Time to read and write :).

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