When I grow up...

...i want to be JUST LIKE her.

she's gorgeous.

smart.

talented.

caring.

generous.

she has the BIGGEST heart i have ever witnessed.

she is God fearing.

funny.

and she is just ALL AROUND amazing.

i love you mommy with all of my heart.

i would have NEVER been able to do ANYTHING i have accomplished in life without you.

you are the greatest, and i am forever thankful.

love,

an imperfect, and sometimes ungrateful, daughter <3.

sometimes, i swear i have bipolar moments.

i have decided to no longer focus on what I do NOT have.

it's time to focus on what i DO have.

no more stressing about rumors.

no more stressing about fake ass people.

no more stressing about him, him, and him.

no more stressing about school/work.

no more stressing about the future.

no more stressing about the things i WANT.

i have an amazing family.

a mother who would go to the ends of the earth to make me happy, and 2 brothers i know will NEVER let me down. 

i have 3 best friends i can ALWAYS count on.

and a bagillion close friends i know are always there to make me smile.

i have a lot of  "adoptive parents" who i know will be there for me for whatever i need.

i have a job. i have a car. i have a roof over my head. i have food to eat.

what can i possibly have to complain about?!?

[honestly, i'm a little embarrassed to admit i had the nerve to complain. shame].

although i KNOW i am not where i am supposed to be in life [religiously]...

i have to say...

THANK YOU GOD FOR EVERYTHING. 

i would not be here if it was not for you.

i hope this attitude stays around for a while :).

getting my life together, finally!

ugh.

i'm annoyed. very annoyed.

people [well...boys/men] look at me and see a light skinned girl with a decent body.
and NOTHING MORE.
no one thinks to go beyond my body and explore my mind.
all they want to explore is what's under my clothes.
that pisses me off.

i'm worth more than that. i know i am.
well...i hope i am.
damn. am i?

i hope my mind is intellectual enough and interesting enough to care about.
i think it is, but it seems like no one else does.
i just want for once a different approach.
for once...take interest in ME...the side of me you can't see.
take an interest in my thoughts, my dreams, my fears, MY INTELLECT.
just once look deeper than the surface.

is that really tooo much to ask?

alll smilessss

T-3 DAYS = SUMMERRRRRR '10.

T-24 DAYS = MOMMY AND BROTHER WILL BE HERE!!

yep. today is a good day.

refusing to let these people get me down.

nashville, here i come! i hope you hold WAY MORE for me than clarksville did.

determined to have a good summer :).

happy cinco de mayo loves.

tata <3.

decisions. decisions. decisions.

i may have messed up a good thing.

i may be in the process of messing up another good thing.

it seems i have a knack for that.

i hate not knowing which direction to go...

i don't know which path is the right way and which path is the wrong way.

i don't know who is worth the risk and who is not worth the risk.

i don't know who i should kick out of my life, keep in my life, or let into my life.

the ONLY THING I DO KNOW is something has to change, and it has to change fast.

decisions. decisions. decisions. 

i hate being indecisive. :(

"Using sex to fill a void is like taking asprin for AIDS. There is no point. The sh*t is still going to get worse"

i could not have said it better myself.

don't just read. understand.

my city...

is under water :/.

everyone keeps joking about "katrina pt 2" or "katrina's sister" etc.

and yes, they are joking.

but part of me knows that this is a very plausible possibility.

i'm scared.

pray for us guys.