this is hard...

...but i gotta keep pushing.

change is so scary,
and it's very hard.
you may lose people in the process,
and thats like my biggest fear.
[i'm most afraid of losing, you :(]
but i think this is worth it.
i hope its worth it.
i think i'll be happier because of it.
well, i'm hoping.

*bows head and prays for strength*.

the PERFECT song.

stole this from this chick here:
her blog is cool. follow & read :)
click herree

this song is basically reading the words right off my heart.
[except...i have not found the exception...yet?]

When I was younger
I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart
And I watched
As he tried to reassemble it

And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love
If it does not exist

But darling,
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm
Content with loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk

Well, You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

I've got a tight grip on reality
But I can't
Let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving
In the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream

Ohh---

You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

And I'm on my way to believing
Oh, And I'm on my way to believing

Dear Stranger,

I love meeting new people. If you do too, and you are reading this. Talk to me :).

Love, 

A New Friend

Question...

Why do people ask "How are you?" knowing good and well they do not want the 100% TRUTHFUL answer to that question?


AND...


Why is it so hard for people to answer that question honestly? I mean, for instance, if someone actually meant "How are you?" and wanted the truth...why would most people say "I'm fine" anyway...?



it's funny what we create as social norms.

"The only thing that can stop you from your dreams is...you" - anonymous

Dear Dreams,

Well, I never dream. So I cannot literally write a letter to dreams I don’t have. How about I write a letter to the dreams I hope to accomplish in life. My first dream, becoming a forensic psychologist (well actually a criminal profiler, but its all the same essentially). Everyone looks at me like I’m CRAZY when I tell them what I want to do with life, and most don’t understand why I want to do it. Hell, I barely understand why I do it. However, I think it’s because the human mind intrigues me. It’s crazy the things we could accomplish if we use our brains correctly. I want to explore WHY people do the things they do. I want to understand people so I can better help people. I also want to understand WHY is it that people can do things so EVIL. It’s not at all going to be an easy job. It’s going to be emotionally draining, but I think and hope it will be worth it to help the people I’ll be helping. My other dream, having a family. As anti-romance as I make myself seem…I am still somewhat girly at heart when it comes to this topic. Just like every other girl I hope to be married one day, I hope to have a family, and I hope to have kids (adopted). I have never sat an dreamed my wedding, the man I’ll marry, the house I’ll have, or kids names. But I do know that I want it. I want it all. I want love. That’s my dream…love.

So…to my dreams...love, happiness, and my dream job…please don’t let me down. I need you.

Love,
A dreamer!

i'm a little behind.

*i missed two days; this is to my parents and sibling :)*

Nsilo,
I don’t even know where to start with you, haha. I love you more than words can describe. I love you more than life itself. From the day I was born pretty much we were inseparable as kids. It’s crazy how close we were. And you loved me intensely despite the fact that I called you sissy! Lol. Yeah, we went through our little phase when we did not get along. But that’s just life for ya. I’m glad we got over that. There are so many things in my life I would have never been able to accomplish if it were not for you. I don’t think I would be as strong and as tough as I am if it were not for you. No matter what happens I know I can always count on my brother for WHATEVER I need. I know that if you can help me you will, and if you can’t you will find a way for me to be helped. I can’t thank you enough for being the most amazing big brother a girl could ask for. I’m glad that we are still close, and I’m sure we will be this way for the rest of our lives. You are my best friend, seriously. I love youuuuuuuuuu!!! And I cannot wait till one of us makes it big and we get this boat you have been dreaming of. It’s going to be epic.

Love,
Your little sister :)

Dad,
I was too young to remember this, but as I’ve been told I was daddy’s little girl as a child. I was always right next to you. I always wanted to help you fix things. I loved going to workout with you. Everything you did, I wanted to do it too. But then you and mommy separated, and we left. I’m not sure what happened after that. However, whatever it was took a strain on our relationship. Despite how much you get on my nerves, and despite the qualities in you that I cannot stand at all…I have to say thank you. I would not be where I am today without you. You have taught me SO many things in life, and you have been the source of so many smiles. Even though I rarely express it I do love you with all of my heart. Thank you for everything you have done for me, good and bad, because without it I would not be who I am today.

Love,
Your daughter

Mommy,
This one, I really don’t know where to start. From birth to now I have been attached to you at the hip. You could not go anywhere or do anything without me by your side when I was a little kid (and by little kid I mean all the way up through high school, and probably now if you were not in T&T). There is nothing in the world that can explain to you how much I love you and how much you mean to me. You have put up with A LOT from me, and for that I am truly sorry. I admire you in everything you do. You are the strongest woman I have ever had the opportunity to meet. You raised two kids on your own, the majority of the time. You did everything in your power to keep smiles on our faces. You sacrificed everything just for the things Nsilo and I wanted. Not even just the things we needed, but WANTED. You have the biggest heart ever known. Despite your anti-social ways, if someone needs something it is rare for you to hesitate to help them. Everyone tells me I am my mother’s child in every sense of the phrase, looks and personality. I light up every time someone tells me that because honestly, you are who I want to be when I grow up. I can only hope to be half as strong, half as caring, and half as amazing as you are. I miss you like crazyyyyy, but I have finally come to terms with this. I realize this is something you needed to do for you, and there is no way I can argue with that because of everything you have done for me. I love you mommy, times infinity and more!!

Love,
Your little girl :)

I have never...

...been in love.