"I'm an artist, & i'm sensitive about my shit" - Erykah Badu

[Inspired by the BEAUTY of Grenada & the peacefulness of listening to the waves crash repeatedly. Rough draft. I'm sure it'll be tweaked more...:)].

Although I know

Deep inside 

The emotions running through you

For me 

Are as real as the wind 

Blowing through my hair

Because verbally, physically, and emotionally

You reassure me 

Daily. 

But I still can’t escape my inhibitions

And free fall into the sunset.

Because the moment the sound of your voice

Penetrates my thoughts

My imagination bleeds

My fears

Gushing red streaks

Of insecurity 

Because as soon 

As the blue emotions 

Running through my veins

Reach oxygen

They turn into 

A hidden wave of secrets. 

Disguising the cold temperatures

With the mask of the Caribbean sun

Unable to be decoded

Even by the lie detector

They all attach me to.

But you…

You’re different…

You don’t fall for it.

You strip me of my naïve view

Removing the clouds, the wind, the sun

The sand, the beach, the heat…

Showing me fear 

Is what I should be afraid of, 

Not you.

You bandage my wounds

With the touch of your lips 

Against mine

By simply interlocking our fingers

You stitch every cut 

That bleeds 

Fears

Reminding me why I fell in love 

With you

To begin with. 

Do you ever wonder...

...how someone can like you?

i do, everyday.

i realized recently that my problem is...

i don't understand how someone can like me...

or better yet love me.

i can't understand a person feeling towards me the way i feel towards them,

which in turn results in me not being able to trust their feelings towards me..

which leads to my incessant need to be reassured. 

is that bad?

i think so.

oh man. i don't know what to do.

:)

"I wanna love with an open heart" 

-India Arie 

<3>

At times...i'm a little too cautious.

I'm not too sure exactly what i'm afraid of.

maybe getting hurt? or maybe looking stupid? 

or losing you?

probably all three to be honest.

i'm SLOWLY learning to not let this fear consume me

but sometimes I have my moments where I can't help it.

pushing you away is NEVER my intention

because I would definitely die without you.

i hope I can figure this out

because i'm so scared of ruining the best thing ever.

hmm. lots to think about. 

if you are in a rship...

you should NOT have a facebook.

facebook screws up SOOO many relationships.

i swear facebook tells it all sometimes.

i still feel like i'm getting played.

but something inside of me is still holding on.

maybe that means it's meant to be? & one day it will be exactly what I want it to be?

or maybe i'm just not ready to start over yet?

i pray, hope, and wish daily that it is the latter of the two.

hmm, we shall see what the future holds I suppose. 

9lbs...

So...[without trying] I have lost 9 lbs this semester.
It's really not that much, and not at all as much as I wanna lose.
But like...EVERYONE keeps telling me i've lost weight
&& either I need to stop OR I look really good. ha.

I just wish I could see what they see
because I definitely don't see a difference.
just a little more to go,
& hopefully by then i'll be satisfied.